I got chris browned last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
