JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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