This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
