Your dad touched me again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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