A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
