it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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