she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
