they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
