yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
