everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
