What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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