On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
from now on my penis is your penis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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