i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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