I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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