I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
