thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
