I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
