I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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