i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
