There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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