A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My penis needs a shock collar
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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