I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
