We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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