I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
