i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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