I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
