Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
