i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
