the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
