so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize