Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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