it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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