i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
