new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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