i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
