if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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