Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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