70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
