Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
