my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
