i need an iv and a liver transplant
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
