i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm at about main and main street
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
