Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
