Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize