Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
