My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
