We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
