You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
