Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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