My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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