what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
