Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
