May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
