We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize