you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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