there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
