He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
