You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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