HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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