You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
