ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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