How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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