I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
