I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
