i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize