there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
