I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
