threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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