Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
