I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
