She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
