Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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