love makes seman taste better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize