There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
