i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
