"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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