Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
