well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
