My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
sarcasm needs its own font
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
