your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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