I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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