In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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