I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
