i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
