Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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