my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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