i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
