he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
