Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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