Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
vagina is talking i cant
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize