is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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